Since arriving home, I got sick immediately with some sinus infection which took me about 2 weeks to shake off. Good thing I had no plans.
I have seldom ventured out of the house with no place to be and not really anywhere I want to see. This is in complete contrast to being abroad and wanting to explore and even just walk around. And this is how I feel. Caught between two worlds: the new version of me with the old version of my life that I left. I think this is what they mean by reverse culture shock.
There is a lot of anger and frustration that comes with feeling this way. I had explained it to friends like walking with an old pair of shoes that don’t fit well anymore. Things just don’t feel like ‘me’ anymore but are rather a reflection of who I was. It’s coming full circle of the excitement of leaving, getting out to explore and enjoying my surrounds and what the life has to offer, to coming back- the need to rebuild my life again with a whole lot less excitement. Which then leads to self doubt, am I really making the right choice if I’m not filled with glee and following what I should do and not what I want to do? Are making choices like this what being an adult is all about? Where is the line of planning for the future vs living in the moment?
There is this notion I came across as well in the past year. Soul city or country. A place that is more align with your inner world and maybe the way you want to live. For me, I have always known it wasn’t here so there is frustration at myself for not being able to craft the complete life that I want to live. For now, anyway. On the positive side, at least I know what I don’t want.
Another thing is finding people to relate with on this is hard. Most of the people who I share this experience with are in other parts of the world also trying to adjust to their new lives.
I know the onus is on me to find out how I now fit into my new but old surroundings but for now, I’m fine wallowing in all these emotions and waiting until I am ready.
In the handful of times that I have been out, mostly for life administration purposes, I’ve been a wide eyed observer looking at what has changed here since I had left. More apartments blocks have been built and shops have changed but on the whole, most things feel the same. At the same time, I’m gawking at the prices of things which are ‘normal’ here. Inflation has really hit hard. $9 for a milkshake?!
With all my free time, it feels like I am as busy as ever. I’ve been working on some hobbies that I’ve wanted to do for so long but had little time to do it. One of these is sewing. I loved textiles classes back when I was at school and had been putting it off year after year.
It all came back so quickly, how to set up the machine, reading patterns and the great satisfaction after finishing a project.
I dipped my feet into watching anime (Attack on Titan to be exact) after proclaiming during my travels that I’m going to reject American culture and try to become more exposed to other cultures in terms of pop culture. It hasn’t been so straight forward as I’m currently in Season 4 and completely lost about how the many storylines now fit together and the jump in time. I need to persist.
To my pleasant surprise, a series here in Australia called Old People’s Home for 4 Year Olds has continued on with a new series called Old People’s Home for Teenagers. This intergenerational space has provided a research space and data for the benefits of intergenerational spaces and relations lead by some researchers in aging. With aging populations globally, it is proving to be a great way to decrease loneliness and providing joy and purpose for the elder, and a sense of connection and learning for the young. Here is a snippet of the series.
In my last blog post, I detailed some food that I wanted to eat once that I have missed.
Here is how the list is going so far:
– Laksa
– Pad See Ew
– Xian long baos (dumplings)
– Banh Mi
– Pho
– Australian coffee
– Mango Weis bar
– Prawns
Maybe I would feel a lot better if I had already gone to have a coffee.
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